Click on the IMG 6001 link highlighted in blue for a good laugh.
The vision is for an appointed time; though it tarry, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. ~ Habakkuk 2:3
If you were following along on my old blog, you may have read one of my most intimate posts.The one that had nothing to do with decorating, but a story of faith. The one where I poured my heart out, only to realize it was deleted. What the heck and how? I have no idea, but I remember sitting outside in February crying like a baby. All the emotions of happiness, gratitude, thanksgiving running down my cheeks. I found this spot in the street, just outside our house that had sun beaming down (in between the houses). I was freezing in the house, so I sat outside in the sunshine just absorbing all of “this”. Mike was inside working on God knows what, I honestly at this point don’t remember. I was quickly overcome with an assortment of emotions and the tears began to fall.
I have never been a private person, I don’t mind sharing past experiences and hardships (along with joyous times) in my life, with friends. I feel like, we are all going through something. And some just go through more than others. Sometimes, you feel like you’re the only one in the world suffering….but, other times, you come across someone who understands. You relate, you recognize their suffering, their pain or their brokenness. What is wrong with sharing that with friends and family who may need to know, they are not alone. We all may be going through something completely different, but when you get to the core…pain is pain. Suffering is suffering. Heartbreak is heartbreak. There’s so much to be said about supporting someone through a terrible season in their lives.
Knowing you are not alone is sometimes all a friend needs.
So, I started journaling about everything I felt that particular day while sitting outside our home in Italy. Tears were flowing and I knew it came from my heart and I needed to share it. I did receive wonderful comments, such as “Kerri, your story sounds like mine” and others that touched my heart. That was my intent, to share and connect with other friends who relate AND overcame their hurts as well. Also, to offer hope to someone who is currently in a difficult season of their lives.
So as I fast forward my post was deleted. Maybe it was my wifi, maybe the previous difficult app., I don’t know. It was so upsetting because I don’t think I could ever put those words all back together again, as I sat outside the house. My house in Italy on that sunny Sunday afternoon last February.
This video of Mike and I is so fun and worth sharing again, I definitely feel like my story is as well. I believe in giving all the glory back to God. I believe in telling people to cling to hope, because “this too shall pass”. I pray you find hope in my story and in turn, it helps you understand there is a purpose, God’s will is best …always. So, if you find yourself in a season of waiting or suffering ~ trust “this too shall pass”. Understand that better days are ahead.
The scripture above is my life summed up. So much so, that back in 2010 I woke up in the middle of the night and painted it on my kitchen wall. I just recall it was around 4:00 am and I was unable to sleep with so much worry on my heart. This scripture needed to be seen daily, read daily and believed daily. So, on the kitchen wall it went. My then 14 yr old son, Michael was going through ongoing, undiagnosed serious medical issues. We were exhausted, defeated and running low on hope. My momma’s heart was very weary. Who would have ever thought back then in 2010, when Michael was diagnosed with a very rare vascular disease, that myself and all 3 of my daughters (so all 4 of my children) would also soon be diagnosed.
The vision is for an appointed time, even if it delays, wait for it. It will not delay. To translate; God’s timing is always best. God’s timing is never late. Never, ever give up hope. You can relate that to just about anything in your life. It has been the story of my life.
Remember: Growing might feel like breaking first.
I was married young. Only 19 years old. My parents had just gone through a very upsetting divorce my senior year of high school. My dad was a Marine and combat Vietnam Veteran with severe undiagnosed PTSD and health complications from Agent Orange (back then we had no idea what he was suffering through). Not too mention, you didn’t really talk about family issues outside of your home. It lead to a lot of pain and suffering. At 18 I ran away. Far away from Massachusetts to NY into the arms of an abusive relationship. Fast forward, 2 babies later and we were soon abandoned and the years of going without began. Not a single dime of child support was paid, not a pack of diapers was bought, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Those days were very lonely and dark. That was when my faith began.
Being left with a 22 month old son and 8 month old daughter without a job, without a car, without a home and without support was a very difficult time in my life. I prayed, I suffered, I cried and God brought me my knight in shining armour. The keeper of the stars sent to Michael, Kailee and myself the one who would mend our hearts one day at a time. Mike was going through his very own heartbreak, he was left with a 4 month old daughter who he had 5 days of the week. The two of us brought all of our pain, hurt and heartache and blended our family of 5. Mike and Erica, Kerri, Michael and Kailee ~ The Smarts.
We had a beautiful family wedding on December 2, 2000. Mike gave Michael & Kailee a wedding ring, and I gave the same to Erica. We vowed to “Always include them in the love we had for their Father/Mother”. We managed to show that even after the deepest heartache, love can still be found. Mike and I celebrated 20 years of marriage on December 20, 2020. Our twin girls Ashtyn and Brett were born in 2002. During these past 20 years we have sacrificed more than you can imagine. We never had a proper honeymoon. We went away (to North Conway, NH) for a night and returned home, because I missed the kids. We built our lives, raised our kids and have made struggling look easy. From financial hardship, to ongoing medical issues, to the inability of co-parenting with both of our ex’s. The list was endless, but the love and hope was too.
Fast forward to 2015. The year that took me to my knees. My ex had been gone and out of our lives. After 19 years without paying his responsibility of support for his two children, he returned in a disturbing way causing as much hurt, pain and suffering as his abandonment caused. Out of nowhere, he returned to my children’s lives and almost destroyed our family. The only good thing about his return, I was able to have my day in court, and I faced my giant by myself. I stood and spoke and relieved years of neglect and finally was awarded a court order of child support. To say it was a long day coming is an understatement. To stay I never gave up hope is the truth. As the years passed and we went without, we never lost hope. We never lost hope of better days ahead.
God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life ~ Romans 8:28
When 19 years go by and you receive absolutely nothing that you are entitled to, you may think that ship has sailed. Well, when you have faith you understand it’s on God’s time. HIS timing is never late. Looking back, Mike and I have said that had the money been coming in as we were raising our 5 children through the years, the money would have been spent. Spent on this and that and gone here and there. Receiving the money finally after 19 years in monthly payments, has allowed us to save up a little bit and think about what we would love to put it towards.
Having gone on our 1st international family trip to Italy, Christmas 2019, we knew that would be a dream. 2018 we started doing “Christmas away” instead of presents. Memories instead of gifts. We were in love with travel and just getting away! So, a dream come true would be to own a home in Italy. That’s when the dreaming began. To purchase a home that we could share with our children and then their children would bring something beautiful out of something meant to destroy us. This was OUR beauty for ashes.
The idea of owning a home in a foreign place was fascinating. To look back through the years when Mike and I (and our kids) went without because we never had 2 pennies to rub together. I remember Michael duck taping his baseball cleats to get through a weekend tournament (because we couldn’t afford new cleats). I remember the twins not starting dance classes until 7th grade, because we couldn’t afford extra activities. All of the “withouts” because a parent failed his financial responsibilities for 19 years. It wasn’t just Michael and Kailee who went without, because it affects the entire family. Financial abuse is a tool used to destroy an already broken heart. It could have seemed hopeless after 19 years. It could have destroyed us further, I chose to cling onto hope. I chose to expect the unexpected. I chose faith….
What better way to bring years of joy to our entire family, than to purchase a vacation home in the most beautiful place. So, after much thought and prayer and going back and forth….we purchased our home in November 2020 ~ papers passed in January 2021. When Mike and I went on our first trip this February, and I sat outside OUR home in Italy, you can imagine living this dream come true. All the broken years and long days that seemed to never end, finally did. The sun finally rose and the darkness turned to light.
We did this DURING a flipping pandemic, why? Why not. After all we had gone through and sufferend and the waiting….there was nothing that could stop us now. And, it has been truly the best decision, ever.
Mike and I have both made sacrifices to give our kids the best lives we could. To sit outside this beautiful ancient home, in the most charming little village in Italy ~ left me speechless. I had asked Mike almost daily “are we really buying a home in Italy”. Once we purchased the question became a statement – “Mike, we actually bought a home in Italy”. I think we will forever be pinching each other ….we fulfilled this dream and are now able to share it. We did it for ourselves and for our kids. We all went through enough heartbreak and suffering and this gift was given to us. It is a joy to share our story with you.
Sometimes God redeems your story by surrounding you with people who need to hear your past, so it doesn’t become their future” John Acuff
So, as I sat outside with the winter’s sun shining on my face, overcome with so many emotions and tears of joy…I journaled. I love the Christian band; Mercy Me. Their song “Grace Got You” became one of my songs. Some of the lyrics…….
Have you ever met those who keep humming when the songs through? It’s like they’re living life to a whole different tune and have you ever met those that keep hoping when it’s hopeless It’s like they’ve figured out what the rest haven’t yet….The second you realize what you have inside It’s only just a matter of time…..Till you…..Sing, so the back row hears you …glide…cause walking just won’t do…dance, you don’t have to know how to. Ever since, ever since Grace got you. Laugh, till your whole sides hurting Smile…. LIKE YOU JUST GOT AWAY WITH SOMETHING WHY CAUSE YOU JUST GOT AWAY WITH SOMETHING …GRACE GOT YOU. “
I honest to God felt like I got away with something! I was owed every penny I had finally received (after 19 years). I was actually shorted and screwed out of so much more because of further lies and deceit and a broken system…BUT, in my heart this brought contentment, finally. I have something to offer our children. A place to bring them where we can create new amazing memories. A place we will go for years, they will bring their children and it is truly beauty for ashes. Years of waiting, years of suffering, years of heartbreak….all wrapped up in a beautiful home in a charming village in Italy.
So, for those who have endured the season in life of waiting out the storm, trust better days are ahead. For Mike and I, it took 19 long years! 19. That is insane, but it will come to pass. It is worth the wait and the blessings will always be double the suffering. Cling to that. Be a prisoner of HOPE and trust God’s timing, even in the waiting.
A little love story of 2 broken lives blended into a new beautiful family. His, mine and ours. A fairytale with a lot of shattered pieces. Shattered but never broken. The pieces have all been patiently restored. The story is far from over. We are just at the part of living our best lives …and it got us dancing in Italy. Mike with his glass of wine and Kerri trying not to pee her pants lol. I love our life and I would NOT change a thing. To look back and wish things had been different through the years, would not bring us to this point. This place of complete gratitude and thanksgiving. We did it Smartie! We bought the flippin house in italy and I love everything about it.
I want my life to be a joyful sacrifice of praise ~ Blessed is she.