“The family you come from is important, but the FAMILY you create is your number one priority”
How true is the quote above? Growing up my immediate family (dad, mom, and 2 brothers) were so important. In my family, our extended family, including my grandparents, aunts, uncles and so many cousins were just as important. We spent nearly every day together. Then, I became a mom (twice) and Michael and Kailee became my everything. The next few years were really hard. But, all that hurt would soon be healed. When I got remarried to Smartie and Erica and we had the twins, our lives really felt complete! They became our priority.
You don’t even realize how fast your life is passing by. The day-to-day moments swiftly turn into years. The holidays force us to acknowledge,”the days are long, but the years are short.” When the holidays change, there is no denying, your life has changed. Sometimes change comes in like a rushing tide. Other times it sneaks in like old age…..
All of a sudden, one day the house is quiet – like too quiet. The dishes are done, the laundry stops piling up, and you look for those moments back. Those moments that broke you in the moment. Those moments that sometimes had you crying in your bathroom – begging God for just a moment of peace. Those moments gave new meaning to pure and complete exhaustion. From running back and forth to multiple schools in one day, to numerous extracurricular activities (often with conflicting times) to last minute projects that made you want to pull your last hair out. And too many medical appointments to ever recount. Those moments were filled with noise, laughter, arguments, crying, chaos, and love. When love filled your home, you knew your little life was complete. PLEASE don’t ever change. Isn’t that what most moms really pray for? To keep their little family together forever.
THEN THE FAMILY DYNAMIC CHANGES……..
Nobody prepares you to be a parent. Sure, there are parenting courses out there (I assume). But, until you hold your firstborn in your own arms, after carrying him inside your body for 9 months….nobody can prepare you for that instant dose of unconditional LOVE. Your body is overcome with such joy and purpose. As each child comes, the love only grows deeper and heavier. Raising a family is the toughest role one can ever be blessed with. You carry a tremendous burden of ensuring from day 1 all their needs are met, that they are safe and sound AND they are happy and healthy. You make them your #1 priority, always. You give up your life for theirs. Being a foster mom for years, I came to realize that not every mom (or dad) is capable of doing such. Something I learned all too well in my own life with my children. Parenting is so freely given to people, but not all are called for this tremendous role of raising a child. Some shouldn’t have a child, never mind multiple. Another post for another time.
You spend all the common Mondays & Wednesdays doing all the things. As the holidays roll around you go out of your way to try to make them extra special. Why do we do that? Why did my mom make Christmas so magical? Why did I follow her lead? It’s to give our children memories. Memories of being together. Memories and moments we hope they will look back on as the years come and go. As Conway Twitty sang “Christmas is a magical time, a time we all turn into kids”…….
Christmas was always big in our house. Christmas morning with our 3 (Michael, Erica and Kailee) was always full of presents from Santa (aka Nana & Jack). When the twins came, then the real chaos arrived. The heaping pile of wrapping paper all over the floor was a sight to see. I think I was a broken record “keep your piles together and be careful you don’t throw anything out”. Both my mom (Nana Eileen) and I would constantly yell above the sound of the 5 kids. Someone always lost a gift card or a piece of jewelry in the trash pile, we learned to have a huge trash bag open as they started to open gifts. My mom just yesterday 12/25/22 recalled a time when Kailee lost a gift card in the trash on Christmas morning lol.
We had years where our family was blessed even further. When you can see Christmas through the eyes of a child it brings out such emotions. When you are further blessed and are caring for children in foster care, who came to you with a black trash bag of belongings – that was a gift. To be able to give some their first Christmas with the Smarts. They were given gifts by bonus family they inherited once becoming part of the Smart family. Christmas 2005 was beyond Magical. It was a Christmas miracle in our house. That deserves a post all to itself. It is certainly a story worth sharing.
Looking back on Christmas photos of years past is a loving reminder of how we have grown as a family. Mike and I married on December 2nd, 2000. Our family of 5 soon went to a family of 7, when the twins came. We’ve spent Christmas here in Florida, and at home in Massachusetts. Life was going along normally. When I got divorced from my first husband, under the order of desertion, I fought for hours in court that day to have my children on Christmas. I thought you don’t get to not be a part of their day-to-day, then on the most magical day of the year take them from me. It wasn’t going to happen. I recall sitting in the mediation room for what seemed to be hours. I refused to “give in”. I thought, you can have everything else, you can keep your child support, what little we had to split, just leave my kids and leave Christmas/the holidays alone. I was finally granted sole physical and legal custody of Michael and Kailee. And yes, that would include Christmas for the rest of their lives. We were all as happy as a clam could be and then…..
Our family went through a significant change back in 2015 out of nowhere. It impacted each of us tremendously, and not for the better. It was a season of loss, hurt, pain, and deep suffering. It was something out of all of our control, and I knew only God would be able to restore what was taken. What was lost. What was missing. During such seasons in our lives, when we have no choice but to endure ~ It can either break us or build us. It can force you to be a prisoner of HOPE, or a victim of despair. As painful as it was, I chose HOPE. Daily. On a daily basis I chose to cling to HOPE for better days. It was a daily challenge to walk in faith when the next step was blinded by my own tears falling. After 19 years, my ex came back abruptly into Michael and Kailee’s lives. Nothing could have prepared all of us for the days ahead. All I knew was it would require immense faith to endure.
Our family was soon separated. Mike, the twins and I were living in Massachusetts (Cape Cod), while Michael and Kailee moved to Georgia. Never in a million years did I think that would be the life God meant for us to live. I questioned everything. Just as this life-changing situation took place, I had already been called to return to foster care. Soon, we would have 2 young boys living with us. Gabe and Ben. I know God is always in control, HE is aware of every tear we shed. HE is capable of giving and taking. Those 2 boys and all of their brokenness were truly a distraction from my broken heart. Over the next few years the pain only deepened. Our relationships took just a beaten. All of us. Even the siblings. To take a step back and watch our very close family be not only separated, but hurting was at times too much to bear.
During the next few years we would welcome 3 additional foster children into our homes. Destiny, Marissa and Jasmine on a respite. The unimaginable heartbreak I was going through and the difficulty of the situation finally took its toll on me. I had to give my notice of being a foster mom. How could I foster when I could barely keep my own family together. Why was God doing this? Why would we be forced to endure such hurt? I took a job as a nanny to a very busy family of 5 in Duxbury. The parents were both physicians and had very hectic work lives. They had 3 little ones, 5, 2 and 4 months. I had no idea both Ashtyn and I would soon be diagnosed with TOS. I just knew I needed another distraction. So, I would drive to Duxbury from Sandwich (35 min drive) to work balling my eyes 3-4 days a week. The song from Mercy Me “Even If” was on repeat. I would get all my cries out during that 35 minute ride, pull into their driveway, wipe the face and somehow pull it all together. Even if God decided to leave mountains unmovable – give me the strength to be able to sing it is well with my soul. My Aunt LaDonna’s sister, Aunt Dot gave me honest and the most difficult advice I had ever been given in my life. She told me she knows how much I love my kids, but they are not mine, they are God’s. She told me that I needed to give them back to God. Giving the deepest hurts in our lives over to God allows HIM to work HIS miracles in our lives. We spent holidays apart for the first time EVER. Nothing prepares a mother’s heart for that void. Nothing replaced the love that once filled our very happy home, especially on the holidays. So, I turned to my favorite scripture of all time yet again.
The vision is for an appointed time, though it tarry, wait for it. It will not delay ~ Habakkuk 2:3
No matter what our suffering is in life, God is in control. God is capable of removing it in an instant. We can cry about it & scream about it, but, not until we surrender all of it over to the Lord will we see HIS plan. This was the hardest thing to do. Giving up my grasp on a cross too heavy to carry. The weight was crushing me. It literally affected my health and was taking its toll. Why do we assume we were meant to carry those crosses alone anyway? When God changes things, he does it in a snap! Be a prisoner of HOPE.
“You know the story of every tear, because you’ve been here from the start. Even though I don’t know what your plan is, I know you’ll make beauty from these ashes.”
Summer of 2021 Michael (dating MarySloan) moved back home to Florida. Kailee had already moved home, after a brief year spent living in D.C. for work. Soon, we would be attending a beautiful wedding in Oxford, MS. On June 25, 2022 we welcomed MarySloan into our forever family. God’s goodness and mercy were shown in our lives. Relationships that had suffered were restored. ……God suddenly changed our lives. God suddenly showed up. When God shows up expect miracles. When you walk in faith, you never truly lose. You may be crushed ……. your heart may truly be broken, but faith reminds us of the miracles the Lord can show us. Even in our little personal daily lives. We are all HIS priority.
Back in August, Kailee moved to Scotland. She is attending the University of Edinburgh for her Masters in History. She has been dating a truly sweet guy named Ashley. He is from South Africa, but lives in Scotland. They were able to find decent airfare and came home for Thanksgiving. Brett and Chris have been dating, for going on 4 years! They were supposed to surprise us all for Thanksgiving, but in our family secrets are hard to keep!
Brett and Chris flew in from Boston on Tuesday am and we made a 2nd trip to the airport for Kailee and Ashley on Wednesday pm. Luckily, Ashtyn was able to have Thanksgiving off (which puts her now working on Christmas) at Disney at the Happiest Place on Earth. THANKSGIVING soon arrived and we all had so much to be thankful for. Even though it was a few short days, we were together. What will the weekend look like? Ashley’s first trip to the United States AND his first American Thanksgiving! A true Griswald family 5 alarm holiday!! Let the games begin!!
Thursday we spent together here at Magnolia Bend Court. We had our usual American thanksgiving with turkey and all the vegetables. This year as we did our “what are you thankful for” …..around the table, there was an overflow of emotions. Love has a way of sneaking down your cheeks. We had so much gratitude of being TOGETHER it was tangible. As a mom having your grown children with their significant others sitting at your thanksgiving table- is a priceless gift. Just seeing them happy and healthy and seeing them together is a gift in itself. Michael, Kailee, Ashtyn and Brett are all each other’s best friend. My kids truly love each other deeply. It is amazing to see. Having MarySloan, Chris and Ashley join our clan is an extra blessing.
We gave thanks and we gave our hearts to each other. We spent the day laughing and filling ourselves and then headed down to my mom’s. For my mom to have all of her kids and her grandkids together, I can only imagine was truly awesome. That’s all a mom really wants, she wants her family together. The day was perfect and the weekend finished up with a perfect day on our boat. Saturday was great! Poor Ashtyn had to head to work, while the rest of us headed to Sebastian. We grabbed sandwiches and drinks and took the boat out for the 1st time! The weather was ideal, the boat ran perfectly and more memories were made. Ashley got to experience Disney with the kids on Friday and a day on the intercoastal on Saturday. I think he truly enjoyed his 1st American thanksgiving! We all did. The weekend came and went even faster.
Soon, Sunday arrived and so did the tears. Saying “goodbye” is so freaking hard. Brett and Chris headed back to Boston at 4 am and our 2nd trip to the airport brought us dropping off Kailee and Ashley. The tears were many. When you just had the absolute BEST weekend together, saying goodbye tugs tighter on your heart. Monday morning was even harder. We all had that post together separation. It just makes us anticipate our next trip together.
And the Angel said to her: “Do not be afraid, Mary for you have found favor with God. And behold, for you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus ~ Luke 1:30
Christmas quickly came along, like it always does. We go from 6 months away to here it is! Michael and MarySloan spent Christmas in Michigan with her family. Kailee and Ashley went to Spain to spend the holiday with Ashley’s mom, dad and sister. Chris was home in Boston, and Ashtyn having had off on Thanksgiving, had to work Christmas eve/day. So, it was the 4 of us in the morning until Ashtyn headed to work. We then went down to my mom’s and the day was quiet, but perfect.
Having us all in different places feels strange, but knowing your kids are busy creating the life they want – is a joy to watch. As a mom it brings me comfort knowing that my grown kids are now spending Christmas with the ones they love enough to make our family even bigger! And even if we are all not actually together, we truly are! Thank God for factime, it helps make the distance seem not so far away. But, more importantly, thank God for God’s faithfulness. The years my heart spent missing my kids because they were away in Georgia, have now been restored and repaired. I’ve been blessed double, we’ve gained a daughter-inlaw MarySloan and 2 awesome guys, Chris and Ashley.
The holidays have started to change again. This change is good. This change is exciting. This change means our family is growing. While Mike and I took Perdy for a walk last night, I asked him if it felt weird. He said it does, but we both agree it is for once a good change. Christmas is a time of miracles. When you witness one in your own life, be forever grateful. I’ve watched my best friend in the world grieve the loss of her son Christopher for 2 years now. Every moment I have with my kids is a gift. Every single moment. I could look back on the years that broke me, but I choose to look ahead…..I can only envision the blessings we still have yet to experience. Mike and I becoming grandparents. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of our grandchildren will be the most magical gift of all.
I hope whatever your holiday season looks like, you find joy. If you are in a season of suffering, please don’t lose heart. Life is all about the ebb and flow. Sometimes our life flows towards our hopes and our dreams, while other times it flows away. Much like the ocean, who welcomes its water back. The waves retreat, but the waves always come home. So, surf the waves. Whatever you do, do not lose HOPE. God can instantly show up, and when HE does, be prepared for the miracle you’ve been praying for. Thank you Jesus for restoring my family. Thank you for your faithfulness, your love, mercy and for all the blessings we’ve been given. Thank you for my little perfect growing family. Each new relationship opens up more of my heart. More to experience. More to share with. More to love.
And to my kids, I love you with my entire heart and soul. Seeing you happy is the only Christmas gift I will ever need. I love who you love and I love experiencing life with you and through you. Continue to grow your family. Create new traditions with happiness in your heart. Hold onto our traditions when we are apart and let us all look forward to the moments we get to spend together. Don’t be sad when we are apart, be filled with joy that you are creating your life. You are making your loved family a priority. Always know you are loved. You are my greatest gift of all. I love you always and forever.
Love mumma xoxoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxoox.
~ May our hearts prepare HIM room. Our lives reflect HIS presence, and our homes radiate HIS peace ~
We have spent Christmas day in Puerto Rico 12/2017 and Florence, Italy 12/2018. We have sat around the kitchen table in Raynham, Ma with family and gone to North Conway, NH for skiing…We have been to the beaches in Florida. No matter where we end up in the years ahead, all I know is we will carry all the love of Christmas years with us. Losing my dad reminds me that memories can never be taken. We can hold those moments forever close in our hearts. The distance can separate us, but love never ends. Christmas magic never goes away. So whatever your Christmas looks like, always believe that there is joy all around us. Just because your holidays change, it does not have to be a bad thing. Embrace the change. Allow your little family to grow. Welcome new traditions while cherishing the old ones that built you. Keep the spirit of Christmas with you all the days of your lives.
Happy Birthday to our Lord and savior. Thank you Jesus.