A week from today, we’ll be well on our way to Rome. When I booked our ticket a while ago, I had no idea what day we would be flying out on. Talking to Kim (by bf) the other day, checking in on each other – she commented that I’d be closer to my dad on Sunday ~ in the clouds. I had no idea we were flying out on, of all days, Father’s Day. It’s those little signs that come up just when you need to see them, to feel them. I have been missing my dad so much lately. Memorial day was pretty heavy for my heart. There is something so beautiful about being in the clouds. It’s the closest we can physically get to heaven. My 1st year without my dad on Father’s day, I will spend 8+ hours as close to him as I can be. There truly is a blessing in that.
Signs; When Mike and I put in our offer on our home in Italy, it happened to be on Veteran’s Day. Our home was listed as the “Guardian of the Castle”. My dad was in the USMC, and a Vietnam Veteran. When he passed, I knew his service was not done. I tell everyone, he is now proudly on his final tour, guarding the gates of heaven. When we saw the listing by the realtor in Italy, it was incredible, “Guardian of the castle’. Our home is attached to the ancient castle wall. When I found out the Patron Saint of our village is St. Michael the Archangel….I knew without a doubt, my dad (Michael) was surrounding me with his love, support and guidance. Even still, as far away as heaven.
Sometimes even 5000 miles away from home, you can still feel a connection. Losing a loved one is absolutely the worst pain anyone can endure. You are helpless in your grief. You are at the mercy of the memories that seep out of your heart and turn into tears… rolling down your cheeks. There is no right way to grieve. I’m learning that you just have to allow “it” to live. Let it come, and let it go. For every day spent in sorrow, there is a day of joy waiting. We can live with both JOY and SUFFERING. You just have to give yourself permission to do so.
As I prepare to head back to Italy next Sunday, my heart is overwhelmed with emotions. So much gratitude for the blessings in our lives. Yet, this past year brought the heaviest loss, losing my dad. However, in return, this year has brought the most rewarding happiness. A “home away from home” that we are able to share with family and friends. It is ok to be happy during your heartbreak. We all deserve to find joy again. Sometimes it comes in the way of a little sign from heaven. Don’t discount them. Be open to receiving (these signs). Receive them with an open heart, mind and soul. Sometimes, it is in our deepest heartbreak, that our hearts start beating again. Our smile returns and we feel a sense of peace. Our loved ones are never truly gone, they too have just been roaming far and wandering wide. They are always with us even when we travel 5000 miles from home.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning" ~ Psalm 30:5
If you have lost a loved one this year, and the pain is still so heavy, it is ok. It’s ok to hurt, to miss and to feel sad. Just don’t stay there. Our loved ones would never want that for us. You do deserve to feel again, and to feel joy again. It will come, and if it’s not today, that’s ok too. Be kind to yourself. Loss is devastating. We all feel it differently. Reach out to family and friends when it becomes too heavy to carry alone. Open your heart to the signs, as little and insignificant as they may seem. Once you open your heart, I promise you, you will start to see more. Take care friends. Have a blessed week ahead. If you ever need to talk, my heart is here to listen.
“We live with both joy and suffering” ~ Blessed is she.